It's quite possibly the most gorgeous day in the history of all days ever...

And I'm at work, slightly hungover, space heater going full force. Every few minutes I'll gaze out the window wistfully and imagine myself swimming or running through a sprinkler in a pair of old Umbros or ... not working.

Sometimes I'll do a random Google image search for "dogs in costumes," an activity that unfailingly brings up a new and exciting array of costumed dogs. However, this past week's search dredged up something less whimsical and more nightmarish. It's not a dog wearing a costume per say, but rather a human wearing a dog costume. Technically, the costume in question is a "dog walker" costume, because it's common knowledge that dog walkers are so rare, so uniquely identifiable that a costume is required to recapture the look achieved when walking ones dog.

According to FamilyFun.com, dog walkers are A) Children, B) Charlie Chaplin, C) Hasidic Jews, D) Mustachioed, E) Disproportionately smaller than their dogs and F) In awe of their disproportionately larger dogs. Oh, and G) Male business executives. And H) Prone to owning men dressed like dogs.

Expect a second, equally meaningless post regarding that man's paws/leash/face.